Friday, August 15, 2008

Excerpts from pet diaries




Excerpts from a Dog's Diary......


8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!


9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!


9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!


10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!


12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!


1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!


3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!


5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!


7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!


8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!


11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!




Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary. ..


Day 983 of my captivity.




My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.




The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.




Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards.




There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I wa s placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.




Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.




I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now................

1 comment:

Claudia said...

You made me laugh out loud - thank you! And those dresses are amazing. Have you knit a fichu yet?